We are who we imagine ourselves to be. I still have this Vonnegut line stuck in my head. Is this what I imagine myself to be? I think I just am. I’m torn between the life of a dreamer and the Taoist principles focusing on existence. Both ideals have merit. In order to attain something we must first believe that we can attain it. However, if we spend too much time dreaming, we lose track of what it is to be, we lose track of how to be ourselves and there isn’t any purpose in attaining things if we have completely lost our identity.
I find myself living the slow/fast, big/small struggle on a daily basis. People push and pull at you, demanding things of you constantly. It is just a matter of personal interaction, vital to our very existence perhaps, but it doesn’t allow for solitude. I need solitude, but I also fear that same solitude. I fear that I will disappear, but I also enjoy the idea of drifting off into people’s subconscious, only to return with a weighty and solid statement on existence and the moment.
Today, I have felt a bit behind.
I’m taking this moment to acknowledge that I am letting outside forces dictate my speed and my mood today. It is time to take pause. I did not used to believe that a bad mood or day could be recovered, but I am now feeling more of the opinion that the only moment that matters is the present. I must focus on the present.
