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The Diamond is Inside

I watched The Beautiful Losers with my wife tonight. It was her first time. And though the artists in that movie/book/show are much more successful, at least in monetary terms, than I am, I felt like it was an insight into my thought process; where my head and heart are at when they seem checked out. 

The distance is unavoidable. I try with all my might but have trouble staying present. We talk about all sorts of family matters but my head goes where it goes. The ideas are where the ideas are. The real diamond is inside, I think, but I haven’t found the way to fully communicate it yet. That’s my task; to communicate that which is inside me and uncommunicable. They wonder why artists starve!  It probably has nothing to do with how much they make but everything to do with priorities, man. Oh I forgot to eat. I was just too into this, but I digress. The diamond is inside. I am rich and I think I’ve known it all along. The wife and child added to my soul of millions, but challenge my ability to let the diamond out. It is like a volcano of love that covers up the city of gold. Anyway, here’s what I was working on today. 
Peace,
Mike

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I Can Feel It

The emotion is all over me right now. I have felt so trapped by a new schedule necessary for my summer job that all my anxieties, interjections, thoughts and emotion has become bottled up. Today was supposed to be an all day studio day, but I decided to take my son to the park and stay home and work for a while. He’s amazing. He makes me think things I’ve never thought and slow down for things that I would never have had patience for.  

While he was napping I started painting out a piece I had started to draw last night. It is a simple recurring set of shapes and colors arranged in the same locked box manner which I based off of the structure in a house of cards. 
I realized today what this method is to me. I am taking a set if shapes, creating a corresponding set of rules and then creating the drawings at random, a spontaneous quasi-mathematical creation. It is like understanding the functions in a trigonometry problem but getting points taken off on your test because you didn’t use a ruler in your diagram. In other terms it is like taking a set of compositions from a logic that is nothing but fallacy. Sort of like everything everywhere on the internet. 
Here is the newest piece from the locked box series:

Peace

-mike
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Winding Down

The Dinosaurs of Industry and the Rhythm of Man goes up on Friday.  This past week has been a feverish push to be ready to hang and packed up by late Thursday.  The work looks great, but I had thought that spending six months on the show I might have escaped some of the last minute ideas that always come to me, that I might be done and not looking for anything more out of myself.  I wonder if this isn’t a ridiculous expectation, however.  That last minute expectation is the creative urge.  That is pure adrenaline, not in a diffused coffee sort of delivery but in the purest of idea forms.  It is a beautiful feeling and as much as my wife likes it when I am home in the evening I just can’t do it this week.

I was so very concerned about the balance within this piece.  I didn’t want the color to drown out the drawing and I didn’t want the colors to be placed in such a way that it made the the contrast in the moth wings difficult either.  I started in the lower left of the piece and moved up, only to find that I had lost three sets of wings immediately above the foundry bucket.  At this point I determined that I needed to break the pattern and so I started to paint the shapes exploding out from their initial spaces.  It seemed to match the way that the moths were ascending out of their dark past.  Even still as I was creating the exploded pattern I was still set on covering the whole top bit of the image until I realized that it wasn’t balanced at all.  I put out the word on Twitter and a friend suggested I just leave it the way it was.  I hadn’t even considered that, but when I did the piece started to feel more and more resolved.  

The week has looked like a lot of this.  I realize that most people work upon panels that have already been made.  I work a bit counterintuitively on my pieces.  My studio is so small that is difficult to find space to move around a bunch of panels with backers and also I like the nature of found and weathered wood.  Sometimes these piece end up needing something different than the typical backer and so I like to leave the work open to options.

This is the last piece that I am working on.  I was uncertain about the left half of this piece for three months. The rest of the image was all figured out for three whole months.  I had drawn a robot head in the sketch that I was working from and it just didn’t feel right.  It felt out of place with the rest of the elements in the show and so I returned to my sketchbooks and flipped through the development of the imagery within the show.  Upon doing so I became confident that I needed to place the moth eye in that space.  Today I am working on possible tessellations to occupy the negative space around it.

 This has been so much work and it feels so good to see the accumulation of images all in one place. I can confidently say that this is the best body of work that I’ve ever made.

Peace
-Mike

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1 Week, 1 Day, and All’s Well

The Dinosaurs of Industry and the Rhythm of Man goes up in 8 days.  I feel surprisingly good and my nerves are doing relatively okay.  This is amazing.  I have been working on this body of art for roughly six months.  My stress level is low.  I am primarily working on finishing touches and making sure that everything hangs as it should.  Logistics in getting to Bangor actually look like the most difficult aspect of the week right now, so life is good.  Here’s the card that I put together for the show.

If you’re in the area, pop in and fly the flag.  It would be awesome to see some friendly faces.

Best
Mike

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Tainted with Success: Thought on Diamonds & a Few Drawings

 I have an image stuck in my head.  While waiting in the car with sleeping Austin, puttering in a sketchbook I started playing with triangles again.  I had been working with a checkerboard style of shading and primarily bounding my patterns in squares.  However, the sketchbook allows me to experiment more.   I was looking for a way to literally break out of the box.  This sketch grew organically, despite its measured geometric components. The result was a diamond.  I wasn’t thinking about diamonds, nor has it been something that I have visually obsessed over before, but as this was hitting the page I knew that it was soon going to be something that I would obsess over.

Thinking back, diamonds have really only entered my conscientiousness when thinking about engagement rings and in a lone short story by F. Scott Fitgerald, Diamond as Big as the Ritz.  Fitzgerald is super important to me, as I read him exclusively during the rough patches at the end of my first major relationship.  Diamond was from “Babylon Revisited,” a book of short stories that I read on the plane to and from Minneapolis.  My time in Minneapolis is qualified as both the most crestfallen and defeated that I’ve ever felt, but also the most able to function and live on a small means.  It was interesting then, to be reading Fitzgerald’s Jazz Age stories of wealth and extravagance.  I think that the image of the diamond sort of sits in the back of my head as an unconscious sort of relic to that era and the subsequent breaking off of my first engagement.  It is all of the things of luster, but imperfect and valueless too.  
The diamond is also the perfect metaphor for the art star.  The poor, struggling artist attempts to create something to live on.  The story is colloquial, universal.  Our stereotypes depend on it.  The efficacy of the art object is lost out of prudence.  We’ve built a society that expects artists to remain poor and so, in order for the artist to make money, not only must they develop an authentic and unique style, but they must surpass the overwhelming hurdle of precedence, and vault themselves into the land of the prosperous.

The diamond is a sign of hope, however.  It starts life as just another rock and until it is discovered remains a rock.  Upon its discovery however it undergoes a metamorphosis.  It becomes an object of desire.  It signifies love and stability.  It is tainted with success.
Peace
-Mike

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Ten Things I Would Tell my Younger Self

1.) The feeling that you have at 2 AM, when you finish a piece, and you are riding the creative high is your response to that out of body experience, the act of being a painter, what some referred to as visiting with a muse, but above all else, a beautiful thing to embrace, live in and realize as a goal.  It is not fair to expect other people viewing your work to experience your work in the same manner.  Distance yourself from the piece before you show it.

2.) If you want to sell paintings for $100 they will always be worth $100.  If you want to sell your work for more than that establish that precedent from the beginning.  If people do not want to fork over the $100, your work may not have reached the quality that you are aiming for.  Do not despair.  Keep your head down and work.

3.) It is never okay to forget the processes and rules that you learned in school.  You are welcome to break the rules and ignore the processes in the creative moment, but realize that doing so will not be without consequence.

4.) Once you have “made” it, there are still many levels to attain.  Try harder.

5.) Draw all of the things that you are too nervous to draw for fear of fucking up.

6.) Make your work.  You are fascinated by a bunch of artists that you hold up on a platform as having “made it.”  They “made it” because they were confident in their own work and they had honed their skills to a level that allowed them to establish themselves in the art market.

7.) Selling art is business.  Treat it as such.

8.) Make, sign, and follow contracts.

9.) Do not accept a project that you will not have enough time to complete without sacrificing the work that you really want to be spending time on.

10.) People are quick to attach the term success to money and celebrity.  Whether you make a lot of money or not, whether you are well known or not, you can still be very successful.  Determine your own goals.  Live by them and have faith in yourself.

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The Show Must Go On

I hang this installation in 18 days.  I also start a new job next week.  The semester doesn’t end until the week after the show.  I feel incredibly overwhelmed.  It is no surprise to me that as one of my students was asking me to lighten up on the assignment today I relented.  Why should everybody have to keep working all the time?  That said, I’ve mostly been wishing for the ability to continue working all the time.  I want so much out of this show and I’m just not sure that I am going to be able to pull it off.  This isn’t all bad.  If I don’t succeed 100% that gives me a spot to start when I am through with the show, but of course I want everything to be perfect for my own sake.  The average viewer doesn’t know when we fail ourselves and failure is healthy and desirable, a learning experience and a chance to change.

Yesterday I began revamping a piece that I thought that I had a clear plan on.  It was exciting to cover up the old design and bring a new design to the piece.  It doesn’t mathematically fit together and I prefer it that way.  It is exploding from the lower left hand corner of the piece.  I’m not sure that it works as well as I would like but it’s new and a bit more exciting.

I’ve also been really excited about a couple works that I am working on referencing both wallpaper and succulents.  The patterns easily translate into a type of wall paper and the drawings of succulents work well  in opposition,  geometric versus biomorphic.

The variation in this show may prove to be difficult to work with.  I haven’t determined if it may be easier or if I will find difficulties working everything in together.  I know that I am interested in the show being a bit chaotic, disorienting and loud, but I am not sure how much I need it to sit still to be happy with it.

We’ll see.
Peace
-Mike

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The Dinosaurs of Industry & the Rhythm of Man

I received an email earlier this week pressing me for the artist statement and title for the show in May.  Quite honestly I didn’t have either, so this evening I sat down with a new notebook which I had picked up from Rock, Paper, Scissor in Wiscassett, ME.  I began by writing some of the things which I’ve been thinking over and over while creating this work, and then slowly started to develop some more coherent thoughts.  Here’s the artist statement in its totality.

“The Dinosaurs of Industry past loom over its creators; ineffectual reminders of bygone eras when a symbiotic relationship between man and machine seemed the answer to the meaning of life.  The current decade witnesses a hopeful return to work and the Earth, a desire to mutually benefit our fellow man by keeping our money close to home.  We are becoming more interested in the Earth and what it takes to preserve our habitat.  Naturally, we proceed as a species until we realize effect and then we attempt to bandage the wounds after the bleeding has reached a critical level.

In contrast to the things we have broken are the remaining edifices of the planet; plants, animals, fungi, and geological environments both big and small.  Our perception of these naturally occurring elements is through a lens of mathematics, a sacred geometry.  Geometry, with its clear cut answers, logic, and certainty approaches the holy.  We feel the aura which Walter Benjamin claims is only evident in the authentic artifact.
The Dinosaurs of Industry and the Rhythm of Man is a series of drawings, paintings and three dimensional objects, utilizing pattern as well as depictions of antiquated technology and living matter to commence a dialogue on a present day computer aided eco-friendly society.”

The work is starting to really take shape.  I’ve been cleaning work up and making it as tight as I can.  I feel like this show is going to be the best example of my work since 2007.  I’m really hope that it is received well.

For those of you in Maine.  The show is at Central Gallery in Bangor, ME on the second of May at 7 PM.  It would be lovely to see you there.

Peace
-Mike
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This Song is Sung for Anyone That’s Listening

I have been working in the same studio space for about a year and a half now.  I just verbally agreed to a new lease for 2015/2016.   The reason I bring this up, is that for years I claimed that if I had the time to dig in and actually develop my work I would be able to be so much more productive and more successful.  While it is difficult to see beyond the immediate time period, either into the future or into the past, I think this still to be true.  
My May show at the Central Gallery draws near, and as it grows closer, I am left with this amazing thought that while usually my focus is narrowing within two months of a big show, my focus this time seems to be broadening.  My work seems far more free than it has in the past.  I don’t feel like the result needs to be the greatest thing in the world.  It is unlikely that it will be.  It will be the best thing that I can complete within these next two months, but there is no guarantee that it will be work that will gain me any recognition, be meaningful to any audience, or for that matter even be remembered in a months time.
While in studio today I was listening to Uncle Tupelo.  As Life Worth Livin’ was playing, I began to think about my audience.  Essentially it doesn’t matter to me if people see my work, though in the past I have claimed that I strive to make work that makes people happy, but with my recent work, and especially with the work for this show, I realize that it is no longer about that for me anymore.  They lyrics to Life Worth Livin’ cut sharp.  
This song is sung for anyone that’s listening
This song is for the broken-spirited man
This song is for anyone left standing
After the strain of a slow, sad end

The work has always been for anyone who is listening, anyone who wants to see it, feels moved by it in some way.  It doesn’t do these things for everyone.  For the longest time, I felt like it should, like if I was successful, suddenly everyone would understand my work.  Everyone would like my work.  I would become an international art star over night.  I would change people’s lives for the better and the world would be a better place.  I am thirty four now.  I do not live in this land of make believe, but much like Cezanne who was super critical of his own work and himself, I still maintain this feeling that there is something in it which is vital to the art world, or at least vital to me and a number of people who do genuinely enjoy what I make.  
I began to think about my work in these terms.

Question the process.  
Let the result stand as a record.  
Rethink the process.  
Proceed.

I’ve decided that the finished products that I create are not actually finished.  While there is perhaps an end goal, I am unaware of what it is.  I have a vision sometimes or sometimes a question or topic that I want to ponder for a while.  I make an initial statement and then the dialogue begins.  When the dialogue is through for the time being, I have a “finished piece.”
Cezanne has been very important to me as of late.  His color palette was enough to make any painter drool, but I think that his career arc is one that provides me with inspiration.  He struggled for such a long time and had moments of complete brilliance while in solitude and peace in the country.  Despite any struggles which he may have suffered, he is considered one of the key figures in painting in the past century and a half.  He provides me with hope, but the hope isn’t for some illusory sense of success but rather he provides me hope that I may find what I am looking for one of these days, or perhaps someone else will realize what I am looking for.
I started working on this piece after Cezanne yesterday.  I created my own still life of tangerines.  I am obsessed with tangerines.  They are by far one of my favorite things.  Oranges come in a close second.  When I think about these fruit I cannot but help of thinking of Cezannes still lifes of fruit.  While he did not use a lot of oranges in his work, he did use peaches quite a bit which fit, color wise, with what I’ve been working on.  I began my piece by drawing the tangerines in my normal ink style, but as I’ve been choosing the color and layout for my color grids in the background I am selecting colors that are used primarily in each section of a Cezanne still life.
The process is allowing me more time to think about the color choices that I am making.  How do they fit into the structure of the piece?  This way they become less random and more about empirical shapes within the work.  
Yesterday I also finished one of my bigger mechanical pieces for the show in Bangor.  I was very pleased with the way the color interacted with the drawing in this piece.  I think it one of the more successful pieces of this nature that I have created thus far.
I feel like I am in a good spot with my work and with my progress on this show.  Hopefully the progress continues and I install something I can really feel proud of.  In the long run I really just want the work to reach a point where I know that I’ve learned something, presented the best thing that I am currently capable of and, most importantly, that there is still obvious room for growth.
Peace
-Mike
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Henry Miller, Apollinaire, Louis Armstrong, and Changing Courses

Last week I sat down with my journal in studio while listening to a Louis Armstrong tape that I’ve had for many years.  The course of thought that struck me was that a tape cassette is an imperfect, temporal object.  Much like the human memory it is crisp in the beginning but as time wears on it becomes less and less comprehendible.  It becomes distorted, disintegrates and depending on care falls apart.

The journaling method is becoming more important to me.  I have determined that the process and the finished product are one in the same.  This years finished product is next years building block to next years finish.  Everything is a work in progress.  There is no real finish.  As such the journal becomes a way to organize the thoughts and chronology of creative decisions.  I am not as good with it yet as I would like to be but I am hoping with a little work it becomes something that I am more capable of doing.

I have been reading Henry Miller in tandem with working on this show of works for Bangor, ME.  I appreciate how his work is individual accounts of events which seem more or less disparate of one another but build into an elaborate account of his life on Big Sur.  It is this same interrelation, I think, that my work depends on, much like my “finished” pieces all adding together to make the newest finished pieces.

Currently I am working through some smaller works to go with my larger cross hatched pieces in the upcoming show.  I am mostly trying to find the connection between the moths and the tape cassette ribbons.  It is out there, or perhaps in there, but I have not been able to make any concrete connection as of yet.  Here are a couple images of the diptych which hopefully helps me find these elusive relationships.

I have also started to work on a couple more studies, like the studies of foundry buckets that I was working on before I started my large drawing of the bucket with ascending moths.  This piece of technology that I am working with is the train whistle.  There is something in function to the train whistle that seems very much connected to this whole process.  It is mechanical and creates sound.  That may be all that it needs to be to create the connection, but I suspect that there is another nugget of meaning in there somewhere as well.  Sorry for the crummy picture.  I took it in a room fully lit by 60 watt bulbs.  I’ll post a better image later this week.

Lastly, I finally found a book of Apollinaire’s poetry.  He was incredibly profound and I feel very pleased to be accompanying this body of work with some of his poetry.  There is a romanticism in his verse crossed with a literary playfulness which I attempt to create between drawing and painting proficiency and witty imagery and visual references.  Hopefully reading more of his work will sharpen my wit.

Peace
-Mike